phil collins didn’t have to go so hard on the tarzan soundtrack but he did that…… he did that for all of us
Tag: text
self care is binge watching brooklyn nine-nine
themes commonly found in international friendships
– ‘u dont have (insert food/music/restaurant here) over there??’
– ‘wait what time is it. shouldnt u be asleep’
– alternatively: timezoned/clockblocked again
– ‘do u need a hug. have a virtual hug’
– weird slang terms
– ‘i will fight everyone thats mean to u. i will fight them rn’
– vague embarrassment regarding ur accent
– ‘dont maKE ME COME OVER THERE’
– ‘oh yeah i have a friend who lives in (insert country here) and apparently’
– no real hugs :((
– suffering
– fahrenheit vs celsius
– the measuring of things in feet fucks one of u up, probably
Imagine this:
Instead of waiting in her tower, Rapunzel slices off her long, golden hair with a carving knife, and then uses it to climb down to freedom.
Just as she’s about to take the poison apple, Snow White sees the familiar wicked glow in the old lady’s eyes, and slashes the evil queen’s throat with a pair of sewing scissors.
Cinderella refuses everything but the glass slippers from her fairy godmother, crushes her stepmother’s windpipe under her heel, and the Prince falls madly in love with the mysterious girl who dons rags and blood-stained slippers.Imagine this:
Persephone goes adventuring with weapons hidden under her dress.
Persephone climbs into the gaping chasm.
Or, Persephone uses her hands to carve a hole down to hell.
In none of these versions is Persephone’s body violated unless she asks Hades to hold her down with his horse-whips.
Not once does she hold out on eating the pomegranate, instead biting into it eagerly and relishing the juice running down her chin, staining it red.
In some of the stories, Hades never appears and Persephone rules the underworld with a crown of her own making.
In all of them, it is widely known that the name Persephone means Bringer of Destruction.Imagine this:
Red Riding Hood marches from her grandmother’s house with a bloody wolf pelt.
Medusa rights the wrongs that have been done to her.
Eurydice breaks every muscle in her arms climbing out of the land of the dead.Imagine this:
Girls are allowed to think dark thoughts, and be dark things.Imagine this:
Instead of the dragon, it’s the princess with claws and fiery breath
who smashes her way from the confines of her castle
and swallows men whole.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a girl doesn’t want a husband. She wants floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and a magical cape.
life advice:
never say anything to a penguin that the penguin has not already said to you
this reads like a shitpost but i’m actually 100% serious.
i was walking along the side of the harbour this evening, just after all the penguins had come in from the ocean to nest. there was one penguin right by the footpath, and when it saw me it kept saying ‘höö’. so i said ‘höö’ right back. it seemed to like that, and we had a lovely conversation where we just kept saying ‘höö’ to each other. i crouched down about two metres away from it, and we kept talking, and it actually moved towards me a little bit, seeming to prefer my company to the heartless embrace of the sea.
but then i made the mistake of trying to change things up. i said ‘hweh’, which was something that a previous penguin said to me, and this penguin hated it, and fucked right off. never said another word to me. i felt so rude.
emotionally cold character: i don’t do relationships
pure cinnamon roll character: *exists*
emotionally cold character: shit
does anyone else go to take a sip of their tea/coffee and then realise you’ve already drank it all and just have a moment where you’re just like: betrayal
Et tu, Brutea?
I still can’t believe Ariel left behind her life as a mermaid princess for some land dick.
sci-fi episodes i want:
- ship’s computer crashes due to virus acquired during a porn download from a lower decks ensign
- firmware update was pushed out to the fleet, has vital error in the clock program that causes every computer to repeat 2300. translators have to explain to the enemy why everyone is an hour late to peace talks.
- unintelligble message is sent out into the void because someone’s pet cat walked across their keyboard. message is interpreted as a marriage proposal.
- universal translators break, everyone is reduced to hand gestures
- viewscreen has dead pixels in the upper left corner, drives the captain a bit bonkers
- space gps tells us to take a right where we should take a left. plucky recent academy grad on the graveyard shift realizes that this would take us into the sun and makes the course correction. ship’s computer advises her for two hours to make a u-turn when it is safe to do so
“siri, how do I land a space ship” is heard over the ship speaker system.