And he goes, “What are you?”
Which is fucking rude.
Tag: text
I adore the romantic trope of “whatever universe, my soul will find you.”
when your partner decides to angst
like-moonlight-through-the-pines:
i say we start a meme where we take jokes that don’t work in other languages and translate them without explanation maybe only tagging with the original language and confuse the heck out of everyone on tumblr who’s not in on the meme like
in italian we say “prince light blue” (prince azzurro) instead of “prince charming” and i just saw a joke that in english would be “if you can’t find your prince charming, the solution is to take a random dude from the street and paint him”
what’s the difference between a stapler and a sewing machine? a stapler staples and a sewing machine doesn’t
i take it back, these are still funny in a completely different way
#what does the king of the spiders do? he reigns#I forget how to say it in French but it’s still my favourite joke
this was one of mine omg it’s one of my favourite ones i’ve ever made ever
What’s the strongest cake in the world? Mike Cake.
What do you call a fish that’s a thief? A sea bass.
What’s the difference between a cow and sheet metal ? None, both of them have milk
I don’t even care if don’t know what the joke is these are hilarious.
Boy pig said to the girl pig: “Let’s suffer.”
What happens when the sheep come to the grass field? Strawberry.
What do you call a cybercriminal cow? Minced meat.
what does leonardo dicaprio eat?
leonardo eats sandwiches
whats a melon you cannot eat?
an idiot
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. What comes after twenty? Police.
You can’t piano a piano, but you can lean on an elephant.
What’s a pale mammoth? Helmut
Oh this is absolutely amazing!!
‘A fallow deer to another fallow deer:
– let’s play hide and seek
– please, noWhat type of bread can’t be eaten? Propane.
What does a bee do at the gym? Zumba.
When is the best time to eat seafood? Wednesday.
What do an orange & an elehpant have in common? They both peel;.
These all sound like those jokes 4 year olds make up before they fully grasp the concept of a joke
the Russian salad and the tomato can’t sleep
what does the orange do when it doesn’t want to go grocery shopping? Tange(rine).
What are eight dogs doing in the sea? A dinghy.
person: but it’s canon
me: yes, but it’s very badly written, so we ignore it
*pulls up to the fanfic drive-thru window* uh yeah, i’ll take a fake relationship with a side of mutual pining and thinking the other isn’t interested, thanks
#*bored author’s voice over the tannoy* d’you want fluff with that? (via @amarriageoftrueminds)
#sure and if you can throw in an extra “sharing one bed” trope, that would be great.
How much is it to supersize to smut?
So if you get smut and fluff from a drive thru where do you go for angst and dark?
That you order from the guy in the trenchcoat in the alley.
“You want angst? I got angst”*sticks my withered goblin paw out from under the bed* psst kid i got ‘they both think the other one is dead for like seven chapters’
Reader: “How much will that be?”
Author: “Just a comment. Please for the love of God leave a comment.”
“Do you take fanart?”
My favorite winter activity is staying inside in my pyjamas and being antisocial.
Jesus: One of you will betray Me
Judas: Surely you don’t mean me
Jesus:
Judas: *betrays jesus*
Jesus:
Peter: We would never abandon you, Lord. I’d die first!
Jesus:
Peter after being asked if he knew Jesus:
Jesus:
Thomas: *after the resurrection* “Jesus can’t be alive! He’s dead! It’s impossible!”
Jesus:
I’m telling you right now if you think authors only read your comment on their fic once you are dead wrong
#haha yeah#and sometimes if we’re having a bad day or feel like our writing is crap we’ll re-read and entire story’s worth of comments#to try to get back into writing mode (tags @sitabethel)
okay but i literally did exactly that today. i reread every single comment ever posted to haunted (both ff and ao3) before i sat down to write.
Do you ever have suCH A GOOD FAN FICTION IDEA
AND THEN
YOU CAN’T FUCKING WRITE IT BECAUSE THIS IDEA IS SO GOOD IT DESERVES AT LEAST 65,293 WORDS AND YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T GIVE IT THAT.









