janiedean:

lunavagantt:

dospunk:

cleanertheseus:

gingerblivet:

bending-sickle:

eatingcroutons:

like-moonlight-through-the-pines:

serethiel-is-hufflepuffed:

elvenherbivore:

writingcyan:

lunestael:

sapphicpunk:

you-had-me-at-e-flat-major:

chopin-demonium:

kalmobotti:

shrineart:

space-transgressor:

spanishskulduggery:

lalexicographe:

whosaprettypolyglot:

lingasms:

commandervimes:

lingasms:

i say we start a meme where we take jokes that don’t work in other languages and translate them without explanation maybe only tagging with the original language and confuse the heck out of everyone on tumblr who’s not in on the meme like

in italian we say “prince light blue” (prince azzurro) instead of “prince charming” and i just saw a joke that in english would be “if you can’t find your prince charming, the solution is to take a random dude from the street and paint him”

what’s the difference between a stapler and a sewing machine? a stapler staples and a sewing machine doesn’t

i take it back, these are still funny in a completely different way

#what does the king of the spiders do? he reigns#I forget how to say it in French but it’s still my favourite joke

this was one of mine omg it’s one of my favourite ones i’ve ever made ever

What’s the strongest cake in the world? Mike Cake.

What do you call a fish that’s a thief? A sea bass.

What’s the difference between a cow and sheet metal ? None, both of them have milk

I don’t even care if don’t know what the joke is these are hilarious.

Boy pig said to the girl pig: “Let’s suffer.”

What happens when the sheep come to the grass field? Strawberry.

What do you call a cybercriminal cow? Minced meat.

what does leonardo dicaprio eat?

leonardo eats sandwiches 

whats a melon you cannot eat?

an idiot

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. What comes after twenty? Police.

You can’t piano a piano, but you can lean on an elephant.

What’s a pale mammoth? Helmut

Oh this is absolutely amazing!!

‘A fallow deer to another fallow deer:
– let’s play hide and seek
– please, no

What type of bread can’t be eaten? Propane.

What does a bee do at the gym? Zumba.

When is the best time to eat seafood? Wednesday.

What do an orange & an elehpant have in common? They both peel;. 

These all sound like those jokes 4 year olds make up before they fully grasp the concept of a joke

the Russian salad and the tomato can’t sleep

what does the orange do when it doesn’t want to go grocery shopping? Tange(rine).

What are eight dogs doing in the sea? A dinghy.

kickingshoes:

sunshineoptimismandangels:

roachpatrol:

captaincrusher:

kncrowder88:

lolcat76:

dealanexmachina:

nextraordinaire:

hellm0uths:

*pulls up to the fanfic drive-thru window* uh yeah, i’ll take a fake relationship with a side of mutual pining and thinking the other isn’t interested, thanks

#*bored author’s voice over the tannoy* d’you want fluff with that? (via @amarriageoftrueminds)

#sure and if you can throw in an extra “sharing one bed” trope, that would be great.

How much is it to supersize to smut?

So if you get smut and fluff from a drive thru where do you go for angst and dark?

That you order from the guy in the trenchcoat in the alley.
“You want angst? I got angst”

*sticks my withered goblin paw out from under the bed* psst kid i got ‘they both think the other one is dead for like seven chapters’ 

Reader: “How much will that be?”

Author: “Just a comment. Please for the love of God leave a comment.”

“Do you take fanart?”

millennial-ring:

words-on-pages:

I’m telling you right now if you think authors only read your comment on their fic once you are dead wrong

#haha yeah#and sometimes if we’re having a bad day or feel like our writing is crap we’ll re-read and entire story’s worth of comments#to try to get back into writing mode (tags @sitabethel)

okay but i literally did exactly that today. i reread every single comment ever posted to haunted (both ff and ao3) before i sat down to write.