it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”
even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”
Ancient Egyptians were using
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE. Source
i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS
imagine ancient egyptian d&d tho
“You have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
“I roll to Bluff.”
“You want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
“I want to bluff the scales.”
“…you want. To bluff. The scales.”
“Yup.”
“…you know what? I’ll allow it.”
“HA! Nat 20!”
“The scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”
you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie.
pro tip “he freed his erection” is the most useful phrase in any smut writer’s arsenal because it means never having to figure out a dude’s pants situation. how did he do it? were there zippers? buttons? some kind of bizarre lacing situation? maybe he cut off his pants with scissors. maybe it was a wizard. maybe it busted out like the hulk busts out of his shirts. no one knows. no one cares. his dick is out now and that is all that matters. thank you helpful dick wizard.
persephone's corner 