foxyotomelady:

nikkithebooknerd:

foxyotomelady:

milkmynk:

jylcie:

n3k0m4t4:

protectjuminhan:

foxyotomelady:

foxyotomelady:

n3k0m4t4:

protectjuminhan:

foxyotomelady:

mysticmessengershenanigans:

foxyotomelady:

Oh these poor bodyguards standing outside Jumin’s room, listening to the certain sounds all night long… and in the morning they have to look him in the eyes with a poker face…
I need fanfic about that lol.

Oh man oh man oh man i gotchu lololol

•••

It’s another one of those nights. The stars are shining, the wind feels cool to the skin, the city lights give off a dazzling aura.

He knows all this from the hallway leading up to Jumin Han’s room. How, one would ask, if the hallway has no windows nor glass?

The sounds. The sounds from inside Jumin’s apartment. Specifically, the moans and gasps sounding through the once silent hallway.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going on inside. When this started a few months back, back when Jumin and what’s that girl’s name again? I know it starts with a M were fresh newlyweds, everyone in the hallway was either hiding their pants or stifling a laugh.

Now it was just uncomfortable. Don’t get him started on the rare occasions which he hears Jumin’s moan instead.

But the worst part? The morning after. The morning when Jumin comes out of the room, looking serious as ever. Any of them would be able to testify how ridiculously awkward it is to look him in the eye and greet him a good morning.

He needs to get a better job.

OMFG I’m crying from laughter

LOL OMG
I propose the start of a series titled “The Daily Lives of Jumin Bodyguards”
This is Episode 1 – Sounds
*laughs on the floor*

Then there’s that tradition for the “New Guy”…

• This is [Body Guard Initiation 101]
• NO ONE tells the New Guy /anything/ about *ahem* the /sounds/ and Mr. Jumin Han’s *preferences*
• When New Guy’s shift starts, one of the previous guards solemnly hands him a pack of tissues; another guard GRINS BROADLY at New Guy and enthusiastically pats his shoulder while telling him “Good luck, kid!” or “Have fun, yeah? *wink*”
• New Guy looks at tissue packet and is all “????” while the Day Shift walks away laughing
• One or two of the older guards with him on this shift take out ear plugs roughly an hour after lights out
• The other guards grin and signal *thumbs up* at those with earplugs (Hey, someone’s gotta cover for them after all. And signal when it’s all over, yeah? They DO take their jobs seriously after all. xD)
• When the *slapping* and moaning and begging sounds start: New Guy bug-eyed looks frantically at other guards–some are grinning.
• New Guy: *in this head* Is that????? OMG WHAT WAS THAT SOUND???? D: IS THIS A TEST?? AM I BEING TESTED??? DD: *confused boner*
• The next day, New Guy, red-faced and stuttering, has a hard time greeting Jumin (and MC, if she even has the strength to walk around~ lol~)

what is happening with this post omg ahahahah this is just briliant, can’t wait for more, bless the anon who sent me this ask

ok, you know what? let me join to this game 

• A few days later
• It was the middle of the day when New Guy (well, he still has a lot to learn) heard noises coming from the hallway
• “Did somebody scream??” troubled he ran towards the room
• But before he could grab the doorknob, other bodyguard stopped him with a grin on his face: “Oh no, you better don’t.”
• “But I swear I heard someone screaming!”
• “That wasn’t a scream of pain… or at least not that kind of pain,“ older bodyguard cleared his throat
• while New Guy started to realize what is happening there was a loud SLAM!
• New Guy jumped up surprised: "God, did someone just HIT the door?!”
• Older bodyguard smiled again like someone who knows everything: 

  “Oh this is quite normal, you better be ready for more…”

Ayy let’s just keep the chain going lololol

ーーー
Does Mr. Han Is Make People Gay?
ーーー
My name is Jun-seo, I’ve been working under Mr. Han for around 6 years. Ever since that New Guy came, everything around here became even more interesting.

Today has another different kind of awkward. Mr. Han was almost late for work. Instead of the usual stoic Mr. Han with completely neat clothes, he came out looking quite disheveled. His eyes looked a little droopy, his hair a bit messy. The top two buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, revealing the top of his chest with… “marks”. He was rubbing his temples and let out a deep sigh. Everyone in the hallway was either fidgeting or looking at him with wide eyes.

The worst one was New Guy. His whole face was red and his mouth was gaping. It didn’t help that Mr. Han approached him after that, asking if he was okay. He turned even more red and fidgeted, desperately trying to hide what’s behind his pants. He passed out shortly after.

Mr. Han turned towards the other bodyguards. “Oh.. I didn’t know he was that tired. Could any of you take him to the infirmary? I need to go to work,” he said with a hoarse voice, looking vulnerable, different from the usual sharp Mr. Han.

“Y-Yes, Sir!” The bodyguards blushed at his request and ran towards New Guy, as if it were a race and that the one who brings New Guy to the infirmary will get a ‘reward’ from Mr. Han.

Mr. Han then continued his way to the elevator, looking as if nothing happened.

Rather than believing the rumor that Mr. Han is gay, I now believe that Mr. Han has the power of turning people gay.

@protectjuminhan​ AHAHAHAAH OMG!!! THIS IS THE BEST SPIN-OFF EVER! xDD 
@jylcie​ YES  YEES IM WORKING ON IT NOWWWW 

Continuing on, [Body Guard Initiation 2.0] aka [Parcel Check 101]

1. Note: I have accepted the HC of Jun-seo as Head of Security.
2. Note 2: Driver Kim was the previous Head, he is THE BEST driver and secret-keeper so rather than this being a demotion, it is actually the best position for him considering his age and all (less exposure to *cough* ‘night sounds’ iykwim ;3 )

• There are protocols to follow when mail/packages arrive at Jumin’s penthouse. (Actually, the machine is pretty easy to use, kinda like those small x-ray ones they have at Embassy offices for checking your stuff before you go into the main office area.)
• There’s a betting pool going amongst the veterans when a personal package arrives for Jumin
• It’s basically ‘content categories’—Who guesses right gets the prize money! >3
• Of course, New Guy doesn’t know that–and DOESN’T need to know that since them veterans have a waaaay better ‘use’ for him. heh heh heh.
• New Guy is assigned to ‘parcel check’ coz you know, New Guy needs to ‘learn the ropes’ *cough* for the high-tech equipment right???
• Them veterans have already rigged the damn machine with a camera that will capture New Guy’s expressions as he checks–and eventually /realizes/ what the contents are.
• There are myriad reactions from the peanut gallery, aka, veterans:
• “Aww! Dammit! I thought for /sure/ it was gonna be a new vibrator!”
• “Fuck.” *hands over $10 bill to whoever won that round*
• “YESS!!! NEW ROPE SHIT! CALLED IT!” *fans bills*
• “Didn’t the Boss buy new ones last month??”
• “Nah, those were leather restrains man.”
• “Geh. You’d think he’d know the difference for gear by now.” *gestures for money to be handed over*
• “Shut it asswipe.” *grudgingly hands over two $5 bills*
• Jun-seo only ever participated in this the first three times. He’s strangely good at guessing, and was then banned from joining the pool. He is, however, in charge of the collection of reaction videos + photo album of all the New Guys’ reactions/photos. 8D (Whaaat? If he can’t win ‘em bets, he at least needs to get /some/ form of entertainment out of it!)
• New Guy is still red-faced and dumbstruck.
• AAAAANNNDD so it goes:
• VeteranA: “”Alright! Time to get this over with folks!” 
• *everyone nods solemnly*
• *Jun-seo sighs, shakes his head, and walks away*
• VeteranA: *literally plunks parcel in New Guy’s hands*
• VeteranB: *grins broadly, claps a heavy hand on New Guy’s shoulder* “Congratulations kid. Now go tell the Boss his package has safely arrived. *wink☆*”
• New Guy is of course gonna be a nervous wreck (who is basically ‘New Guy’ until he either a)Quits or b)Joins the Peanut Gallery, in which case, he is now going to be called “Kid” until another New Guy comes along thus earning his place in Jumin’s Band of Merry Men™)

BONUS:

A few days later…. (a linear progression of events)

1. MC greets New Guy as per her polite, smiling, easygoing self one morning. 
2. She kinda does this small wave-thing, and the loose sleeves of her turtleneck pull away, revealing her wrists–her rope-marked wrists.
3. New Guy just tunnel visions and swallows hard.
4. He wonders if this is how he loses his sanity as he watches her kiss Jumin lightly as she sees him off for work as normal.

OHHH GOD REBLOGGING FOREVER 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh god this chain is incredible, I love everyone here XDDD

OMFG I’m on the floor, laughing and crying,
someone stop this insanity plsssss
Also check  @nikkithebooknerd

’s

reblog guys, this is amazing
Edit:
now I’m just waiting for a version in which Jumin and MC were caught while “we know what”, and of course New Guy would be responsible for this…

@foxyotomelady Well then I have the reblog for you!

• It’s only been a few days oh shit holy fuck what is this job
• It’s 2am and New Guy’s been on his shift for about three, four hours now
• Not a single sound has been made why
• New Guy starts to get nervous since the odd silence seems a bit out of character
• The other guards are unfazed by the lack of strange, lewd noises they’re grateful actually
• There’s this weird tension in the air and New Guy can’t seem to relax
• *cue Jaws music*
• it’s so weird what if this isn’t normal what is normal here
• It’s just silence
• Silence
• And
• …
• aaaAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!!
• oh jesus that was Mr. Han
• There was a plethora of knocking around, loud thuds, and barbaric grunts and then
• what
• crash! crash! THAT WAS GLASS WHAT WHAT NO yes
• The piercing sound of shattering glass caused an automatic reaction from New Guy
• New Guy’s instincts kicked in, his body moving faster than his mind could process
• Adrenaline soared through his body and he leaped for the door, the other bodyguards too slow to pull him back surprise bitch his reflexes said to them
• He turned doorknob and barged into the room, thinking he’d see the scene of a crime
• nope but oh it was a scene alright
• The two lovebirds were sprawled out against the top of a fancy wooden dining table jumin on bottom wearing strange costumes and there was glass covering the floor
• because they’d knocked over a wine bottle
• after they knocked against the table
• oh shit i’m fired
• Jumin looked at him, an inextinguishable anger in his eyes boi
• ya dun goofed
• The two scrambled to cover MC and she left the room, flustered beyond belief
• oh shit i’m fired
• Jumin shut his eyes, annoyed
• I’m standing here and he’s not wearing pants what is that weird shirt he’s wearing i think i’ve seen it before ohshiti’mfired
• “Why do every single one of you make this very same mistake? Get out, I’ll deal with you in the morning.” And he walked away still bare ass naked
• New Guy slowly sauntered out of the penthouse, his face laden with shock and horror
• The other bodyguards snickered and some even laughed
• “Did we forget to tell you?” One of them chuckled, “Fridays are roleplay nights. From the hours of one until four, no one’s allowed inside. Ooops.” ¯_(ツ)_/¯

oH MY FUCKING GOD I’M CHOKING I CAN’T HELP ME

@moonstoneandjasmine I’M FUCKING CRYING. THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE READ SINCE JOINING THIS FANDOM ISTG. THERE ARE TEARS I’M NOT KIDDING