Tag: i’m crying

patrickat:

out-there-on-the-maroon:

wsswatson:

skygosh:

wsswatson:

i feel like i’d enjoy being an assassin if it didn’t involve killing people

what if instead of killing people you got hired to just ruin their day.  like the mafia or someone paid you to park behind someone’s car so they can’t back out of a spot when they’re in a rush in the morning and you make them late for work.

i would enjoy that immensely

there is a long list of people that i would gladly do that to without payment

This is how low-tier supervillains start. 

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be an asshole.”

Newt Scamander: Magical creatures? No I haven’t seen any- *trips and ten bowtruckles fall out of sleeve* oh those aren’t mine I’m just holding them for a friend- *frantically tries to pick them up, niffler falls out of back pocket* right, if you’ll just let me explain- *turns around and three murtlaps, a herd of erumpets, one litter of curps and the entirety of New York’s dog pound fall out of his coat* LISTEN-