My favorite thing is that Europe is spooky because it’s old and America is spooky because it’s big
“The difference between America and England is that Americans think 100 years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way.” –Earle Hitchner
A fave of mine was always the american tales where people freaked out because ‘someone died in this house’ and all the europeans would go ‘…Yes? That would be pretty much every house over 40 years old.’
‘…My school is older than your entire town.’
‘Sorry, you think *how far* is okay to travel for a shopping trip?’
*American looks up at the beams in a country pub* ‘Uh, this place has woodworm, isn’t that a bit unsafe?’ ‘Eh, the woodworm’s 400 years old, it’s holding those beams together.’
A few years ago when I was in college I did a summer program at Cambridge aimed specifically at Americans and Canadians, and my year it was all Americans and one Australian. We ended the program with a week in Wessex, and on the last day as we all piled onto the bus in Salisbury (or Bath? I can’t remember), the professors went to the front to warn us that we wouldn’t be making any stops unless absolutely necessary. We’re headed to Heathrow to drop off anyone flying off the same day, then back to Cambridge.
“All right, it’s going to be a long bus ride, so make sure you’re prepared for that.”
We all brace ourselves. A long bus ride? How long? We’re Americans; a long bus ride for us is a minimum of six hours with the double digits perfectly plausible. We can handle a twelve hour bus ride as long as we get a bathroom break.
The answer. “Two hours.”
Oh.
English people trying to travel around Australia and wildly underestimating distance are my favourite thing
a tour guide in France told my school group that a particular cathedral wouldn’t interest us much because “it’s not very old; only from the early 1600s”
to which we had to respond that it was still older than the oldest surviving European-style buildings in our country
China is both old and big. I had some Chinese colleagues over; we were discussing whether they wanted to see the Vasa ship (hugely expensive war ship which sank on it’s maiden voyage after 12 min). They asked if it was old, I said “not THAT old” (bearing in mind they were Chinese) “it’s from the 1500s.” To my surprise they still looked impressed, nodding enthusiatically. Then I realised I’d forgotten something: “…I mean it’s from the 1500s AFTER the birth of Christ” and they went “oh, AFTER…”.
My dad’s favorite quote from various tours in Italy was “Pay no attention to the tower – it was a [scornful tone] tenth century addition.”
My last boss was Chinese, and she said when her parents came to visit her from Beijing they pronounced Chicago “A very nice village.”
This post keeps getting better
What I’m getting from this is both distance and time are Utterly Terrifying
You’ve learnt at least two languages while still in school. Then a third. A fourth. They’re slowly starting to merge together. You’re not quite sure what your native language is anymore.
There are people on the streets looking confused. ‘Tourists’, you tell yourself. It’s always tourists. That’s what your parents have taught you to think.
Your mother is still angry at Winston Churchill for something he said about your country during World War Two. She was born in 1970.
You’re vaguely aware of the fact that America is trying to build something in the countryside. Some say it’s useful, others that it’ll harm you. You know the truth. You keep quiet.
America is always there, just out of sight. Everyone hates it and resents it, but isn’t sure why. Few have gone there. Fewer have returned.
There used to be four seasons once, or so people say. Now there is little more but winter and summer. The winters are getting warmer. The summers are getting colder. You’re not sure your country is where it was before.
All your neighbouring countries hate you. You hate them too. A century hasn’t yet passed from the last war. Everyone tries to pretend they’ve forgotten, but they haven’t. They haven’t.
The borders are not what they used to be. You pass from one country to another and don’t really notice. It’s only when you reach the ocean that you realise how far away from home you are. You turn around and realise that you’ve made a very big mistake.
persephone's corner 